I see

I see girls that inspire me. Pictures of acts that I desire.Tumblr is an interesting place. I am swamped with porn, art and cupcakes.

I have friends that say why don't I go out and find a girl or a boy to just play with while C isn't interested in that kind of thing at the moment. I tell them that strangers, one night stands and arranged liaisons don't seem to want to do it for me at the moment. I need connection before I can entertain the idea.

I miss cock. Crude I know, but I miss it's taste, the feel of it on my tongue and the wanton desire it inspires in the receiver. I miss my knees being dirtied by the floor as I am thrust onto all fours and taken hard and fast from behind.

I crave female attention yet when I get it I hide. I am afraid of not being what they want. I am scared of rejection so I let them make the first move. Then I freeze. Unknowing if to take the lead or to do as I am told. I like to hold girls down while I make them squeal from fingers pressing against moist panties then snaking their way behind and into warm, dark places. I like the gasps they try to emit as my hand wraps around their throat and I nibble at their thighs. Breathing hot breath on cold panties.

I was told never to ask for what you want. If someone wants to give you it they will let it be known. Always let others make the first move, then you know they want you. Now I am told to ask or make moves. What if she isn't that way inclined? She can only say no right? But to me, that is a knife in the stomach.